Every year I send out Christmas cards that have an unfortunate family photo on the front and musings of what a wicked year it’s been, on the inside.
I sent this year’s Christmas cards out almost three weeks ago and no one has received them. Who knows where they have ended up but there were about 100 of them so if the postie could deliver one or two before Christmas Day that would be appreciated.
I thought I’d share with you my Christmas card for 2014. It starts off with a cover photo of my three children and the dogs that is the worst photo we’ve taken in years. It was so bad we had to dull down the colours to almost black and white to try and pair-down some of the flaws. And you probably can’t tell but it was raining during the shoot and the longer it took for some co-operation the heavier it rained. Once the finished photo was uploaded there was a lot of complaining about why the photographer hadn’t weaved more magic. Well…the level you co-operate will be matched with the level of photo-shop re-touching. Hence this image’s natural state.
So here’s the news the news for 2014…
Archie went to uni. Once or twice. He’s decided to turn his two-year sprint-degree into a four-year marathon. He was very busy growing facial hair and a moustache that twirls. His social life is very full and uni work is an annoyance that gets in the way of parties, functions and gatherings. He went on a bit of a health-kick that involved a lot of mess in the kitchen where he was juicing or doing protein shakes or eating only egg-whites and tuna or managing an alcohol-free day, but, like uni, it was all short-lived. He worked as a barman at the RSL where one day a very elderly man walked to the bar and stood on the carpet and while ordering a beer, did diarrhoea. Archie was ordered to clean it up and the tracks that led back to where the man seated himself on an upholstered chair. That career became as short-lived as his health fads. He now works at an upmarket hotel in the city where the patrons are continent.
Last year Arabella studied psychology at Macquarie Uni but decided that wasn’t for her. This year she studied Commerce at Sydney Uni but decided that wasn’t for her. Next year she will be studying Arts/Law at Notre Dame and I hope that next year I won’t be telling you she’s studying Engineering at NSW. She became romantically attached to the idea of solo international travel and so headed off in a most disorganised way to the USA via China. After three days she phoned saying, ‘I wouldn’t mind a home-cooked meal’ and, ‘I’d love to sleep in my own bed’. By Day 7 she was in tears and by Day 10 I’d joined her in New York. We had a fabulous two weeks together with no home-cooked meals, no nights in our own beds and no tears. Unlike her teenage years she loves spending time with me and comes with me to swim squads and has made me join the gym where we do classes together. She’s appointed herself my personal stylist and vetoes all clothing purchases.
Alfie is so thin. A teacher at his school was so disturbed she asked him if at home he was being given enough to eat. She also observed that he doesn’t eat his lunch and so has implemented a rule where he starts his lunch break 10 minutes before the bell so he can get a head start on tackling his lunch box. He loves to run and can run effortlessly. This year at the school’s Mini-Mos he ran in the 10km race around Mosman with his mother limping behind him and finishing 10-minutes after he did. A few minutes later he ran in the 5km race and just after that he ran in the 2km event. In the history of the event he’s the only child to have run in all three races and was given special mention in the school’s assembly. But no medal. Once again he’s spent a lot of time in the ‘Planning Room’ where he has to sit and think about his transgressions. He ‘walked to the oval in an unsafe way’ (leap-frogged over poles) and ‘was out of bounds in the playground’ (in a place where he couldn’t be seen) and other treacherous acts. If you get sent to the planning room too many times you aren’t allowed to go to the end of year excursion. When the note came home asking for payment I just threw it in the bin as didn’t want my money to end up being a donation. But then pressure was applied so I handed in the money and the form. The very next day I was told Alfie wouldn’t be allowed to attend and no mention of a refund. He wasn’t allowed to go last year either and I was meant to send him to the planning room for the day but the Lord provided and the night before he fell off the trampoline and broke a tooth sending us off to an emergency dental appointment instead. It’s a silly excursion anyway as it’s to Chinamans Beach but you’re not allowed to go on the sand or in the water because that’s ‘unsafe’. They don’t call it the ‘Cotton-Wool Generation’ for nothing.
Despite Drew’s best efforts, Ruby (14) and Rosie (13) live on. They do have a few issues that some like to focus on but why be negative. But just so you know, Ruby is deaf, needs two knee-replacements (Drew says she’s not getting them), has dermatitis and queried incontinence (queried because I hide the evidence from Drew). Rosie is also deaf, has tooth decay, ended up in ICU after eating a chocolate Easter bunny and recently had a urinary tract infection. The vet says they need salmon for dinner twice a week and Drew says he never gets anything twice a week so why should they.
Merry Christmas to all my readers and may you receive all the blessings of the season.