The dogs have fleas and Alfie has nits but that’s the least of my worries.
It’s Arabella again and it must be the drugs.
I know I got off lightly. I was expecting to have to trawl through shop after shop after shop for The Dress but that didn’t happen. She found The Dress in the first shop she went in to and I wasn’t even there. All I had to do was turn up and pay for it (after putting it on lay-by and paying the balance weeks later after robbing a couple of banks). But the ease with which this all happened made me feel uneasy because with Arabella these sorts of purchases are usually traumatising and not because of what they cost.
She’s at home with me now, every day because of The Glange so that’s causing a few necessary adjustments. She’s bored most of the time so downloads movies onto her lap top, skypes Tom the red-headed rock star who lives in Phoenix (don’t ask how they met, I’m not up to discussing him today) and looks at the latest collections coming from designers like Ralph Lauren.
So it’s the drugs and it’s also Ralph’s fault because on-line she found a dress ‘That’s so wonderful, mum, I could wear it to my wedding’. Fortunately I had a wall to lean on while she continued, showing me a picture of the dress on her lap-top. ‘Don’t you just love it, mum?’
‘It’s a bit revealing in the front, don’t you think, with that key-hole cut out.’
‘That’s the look, mum.’
‘But it’s backless too. How would you wear a bra?’
‘Chicken fillets mum. I’ve been wanting you to buy me some for ages. When can we go shopping?’
‘What’s this for?’
‘For the formal.’
‘But you have the dress’. And I reached into her wardrobe, pulled it out and held it up to her thinking the paracetamol overdose must have been toxic on more than just her liver. ‘Here it is’.
‘I’m not wearing that anymore.’
Someone give me drugs. ‘What do you mean you’re not wearing it anymore. I can’t take it back’.
‘I’m wearing it to Flynn’s formal’. Flynn’s formal is at the end of June. She accepted his invitation before she was diagnosed with The Glange. Yesterday I told her I didn’t think she would be well enough to go but she overheard me on the phone to the doctor who said she could be through this in a couple of weeks as long as she rests. On the upside she has conceded she won’t be able to go on the skiing holiday she had booked so that’s been cancelled and she did take that well. But she’s not backing down on the formals.
‘Why can’t you wear The Dress to both formals.’
‘Don’t be silly, mum’.
‘Well back in my day…’
‘Back in your day life was horrible. And you didn’t have facebook’.
So at fault are not only the drugs and Ralph, it’s also Mark Zuckerberg. ‘What does facebook have to do with this?’
‘When I upload the photos everyone will see I wore the same dress.’
‘Well don’t upload any photos.’
‘Mum, be serious.’
‘How much does this cost?’
‘Three and a half thousand’.
‘Arabella, I do not have three and a half thousand dollars’.
‘I know. While you were out I phoned that friend of dad’s who’s the tailor and I’ve sent him the photos and he said he can make it for me and he’s coming over tonight to measure me and he said he’ll give us a discount because he owes dad a favour’.
So it’s the drugs and Ralph and Mark and her father.
Please excuse me for not posting a recipe today. You see, I’m feeling a little unwell and there’s a tailor about to arrive to measure my daughter for a dress and Arabella is saying, ‘He said we would probably only need three or four metres of fabric and if I’m not going to wear it again we could buy cheap satin or do you think we should buy the more expensive fabric just in case I do wear it again’, and, ‘He says he can definitely have it finished by the sixth. Isn’t that great! That’s the day before the formal’, and, ‘Do you like this nail polish? I put it on while you were out. I think it’s the same colour as my dress’, and, ‘Did you know my boss is giving me Thomas Sabo earrings to wear? Isn’t that kind. You should thank her mum; that’s so generous’, and, ‘Do you think a chocolate brown clutch would go well with the pink dress? I think it would. Can we go shopping for a clutch? But what if we don’t find one? I’ll be a mess’, and, ‘I could wear really high heels but then I might be taller than my date so do you think I should wear kitten heels? Kitten heels aren’t the look mum but no one would be able to see I’m in kitten heels because the dress is long’.
And the dogs have fleas and Alfie has nits.
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