Stuffed Zucchini Flowers and…The Mark

It is my belief that no woman escapes pregnancy unscathed. Every little treasure leaves their mark on some part of your body. And some lovely treasures leave multiple marks. This is especially true if you have more than one treasure in your womb at a time, go overdue, go through ‘natural’ childbirth (which my obstetrician states is anything but ‘normal’), or give birth to a treasure over 4.5kg (10 pounds).

Stuffed Zucchini Flowers

Alfie, my last little treasure, was overdue, was a ‘natural’ birth and weighed in at just under 4.6kgs – and that is just completely unnecessary.

And he left a mark.

On my right leg! It’s a green and engorged and unsightly vein that is becoming difficult to ignore. Even my mother can’t ignore it. She left brochures for a vein clinic on my coffee table. ‘Just a thought’ she said.

Subtleties aren’t lost on me so a few days ago I turned up to the clinic. I was shown into a room and told to undress and put on disposable shoe coverings and disposable knickers. She emphasised that everything would fit me because it was all ‘one size fits all’. So nothing fitted me, especially the knickers that gapped around me like an ill-fitting nappy.

Left on my own I sat on the bed and waited and waited and waited and finally the door slowly slid back revelling Toby, the young and dark haired and very good-looking and slightly awkward ‘assistant’. He told me he was going to measure my legs for compression stockings then take some photos of the ‘problem’ areas.

I had to stand in the centre of the room with the disposable knickers swimming and bulging around me while he bent down with a measuring tape. With his head in my crutch he asked, ‘could you just open your legs for me for a bit’ and I thought he would make a very good gynaecologist.

And while his hands were moving up and down my legs and his big blue eyes with the thick long lashes were staring intently into every flaw I did regret not arriving more prepared with a few necessary and essential touch-ups like a wax, a pedicure, an exfoliating scrub and a spray tan. Not much dignity left now.

For the photo shoot I had to stand on a step while Toby got up close and down low and asked me to bend my knees or straighten my legs or twirl around or step forward while he looked through the lens and fiddled with the camera. All I could think was ‘thank goodness it’s not haemorrhoids’.

Then the doctor arrived and he said I should recover quickly from the procedure because I’m ‘so young’. I nearly kissed him.

So I’m booked in for the procedure and will wear not only the paper shoes and paper knickers but also a paper shower cap and some black-rimmed glasses with olive lenses that I’m sure won’t match my complexion. Wouldn’t it be great to be one of those people that just doesn’t care!

And in case a little treasure has left a mark on one (or both) of your legs, here is a photo to prepare you for how unattractive you will look wearing shoe coverings and disposable one-size-fits-all knickers.  (And in this photo I have my own black knickers underneath the ‘one size fits all’ numbers.

And do let me know if you have any ‘marks’ from any ‘treasures’ that you would like to share.

Humiliation

And tonight I’m cooking Zucchini Flowers.

Zucchini Flowers

Degree of Difficulty:  2/5

Cost:  I bought 3 packets of zucchini flowers from Harris Farm for $5.00.  As zucchini flowers are in season, they are currently very affordable.

Serves:  4 people as an entree

16 male or female zucchini flowers

250gms ricotta cheese

Rind of 1 lemon

1 tbspn toasted pine nuts

1 tbspn chopped fresh basil

Salt and Pepper to taste

2/3 cup plain flour

1 tbspn extra virgin olive oil

1/2 tspn salt

150mls light beer

1 egg white

Vegetable oil for deep frying

Gently open zucchini flowers and remove stamen.  In a small bowl mix ricotta cheese, lemon rind, toasted pine nuts, basil and salt and pepper to taste.  Using a teaspoon, carefully fill zucchini flowers then twist ends to secure.

Sift flour with 1/2 teaspoon of salt into a small bowl.  Pour in olive oil then whisk in light beer.  In a separate bowl whisk egg white until stiff peaks form.  Fold into beer batter mixture.

In a medium sized saucepan heat vegetable oil until 180 degrees.  If you don’t have a thermometer, test heat of oil with a small piece of bread.  If the bread turns golden in 15 seconds, it is hot enough.

Place paper towel over a tray and dip each zucchini flower into the hot oil, no more than 4 at a time.  When golden remove from oil and rest on paper towel.  Sprinkle with salt and serve with lemon wedges.

 

Comments

  1. That was soo funny! Thanks. Love your blog!

  2. That is never pleasant. Thankfully, you took care of that nasty little mark. ;-P

    Those stuffed zucchini look delicious! That is something I’ve never had…

    Cheers,

    Rosa

  3. I love stuffed vegetables! Your zucchini look delicious!

  4. Oh my goodness. I am cringing just reading about your experience.

  5. Thank. God. you have your black nickers on. I usually read blogs by scrolling through the photos first and then go back to read the writing. My first thought was ” oh…this lass needs a hefty gift voucher at Brazilian butterfly – they’re growing up onto her hips!” . Infuriatingly, some evil birds have decided that they will take brunch in my zucchini patch. I don’t know what to do but I’m going to do something ’cause these look tremendous

  6. (the stuffed flowers look tremendous – the booties? not so much…)
    ;)

  7. I went to a skin DR about a scar on my lip, and when I got there he said ‘well, off with your gear then’ Excuse me?? Oh yes, he went over my whole knicker-and-bra clad body with a MAGNIFYING GLASS looking at every spot and flaw and cellulite lump. I was totally unprepared and hadn’t even shaved my legs for a month (it was winter!)
    There’s really not much dignity in the medical arena, is there?
    Your zucchini flowers looks gorgeous, very restauranty indeed! Yumm…

    • hotlyspiced says:

      That is a funny story. I think whatever your condition, no matter where it is on your body, just go totally prepared for a near-nude experience and make sure you do as much prep at the beauticians as possible prior to the outing – it’s the only way to maintain a shred of dignity.

  8. i had the same thought as miss t! ha! you’re a laugh riot, and you make good finger foods. :)

  9. Wow, these zucchini flowers look amazing! Definitely one of my favorites but I totally think of them as a delicacy…don’t think I’ve seen them that cheap where I am but I will have to keep a look out! :)

  10. really enjoying your blog its fun, I have stretch marks, my boy now 2 months old was also over due ended up in a c section again :_( aw well its all worth it

  11. There is very little that is dignified about childbirth or its aftermath and repercussions. All you can do is remind the treasures at every opportunity and hope to embarrass them frequently – or is that just me?

  12. LOL You really make me laugh. I hope to, if I go through childbirth, to get through it with a sense of humour like yours Charli!

  13. What a good giggle, thanks. I however have not been graced with any treasures which makes me wonder why the heck I don’t have a good set of pins and flat tummy like you! :-(
    Lovely zucchini flowers.
    :-) Mandy

  14. Too funny! :) You are majorly brave to post that photo on the internet, bravo.

    This recipe looks great. I love zucchini flowers, but I can never find them (except on rare occasion) to cook with. Yum!

  15. Thanks for this lovely post! What a read!

    I loce stuffed courgettes flowers a lot & your recipes rocks! Yum! :)
    I love ricotta with lemon a lot!

  16. If I only had one vein to worry about…genetics and pregnancy combined are cruel…legs look fab Charli…the pants…not so much!

  17. Oh, my gosh, I laughed out loud at this! Oy, vey, I can imagine how uncomfortable that whole scene must have been! Thanks for sharing your experience with us and allowing us to laugh along with you…AFTER the fact!!! And thanks for stopping by my blog – it’s so fun to find new bloggers to enjoy and follow! I look forward to reading more of your stuff!

  18. I too am glad you mentioned the black knickers! Wow, if that is the lower half of a women who has had several ‘treausres’, I don’t think you have anything at all to worry about. I would have felt mighty uncomfortable with the handsome young dude and his camera though. Oooouch. Love zucchini flowers though, and will definitely give your recipe a go. A great read plus a fab recipe – good stuff! For some reason I am not getting notified of your posts :(

    • hotlyspiced says:

      Hi, it may be because I had the site upgraded a couple of weeks ago and during that process I lost all my subscribers so unfortunately, everyone has to subscribe again. Sorry for the bother!

  19. I have bad stretch marks, some how have not gather the courage to go to the doctor….
    great post…. Its nice to know what to expect at the appointment.
    B/W the recipe sounds delicious…
    zucchini flowers looks so perfectly done.

  20. Stories like these make me want to adopt :| Beautiful zucchini flowers though, delicious!

  21. I don’t envy your procedure but I do envy your zucchini flowers – total YUM !!

  22. I love reading your posts :-) That gave me a great chuckle.
    Having had my own ‘whoppers’ of the same size and natural birth, with another on the way, I can only look forward to some more marks left behind as well… wonder if I’ll be left brochures as well.

  23. Thats hilarious!! It reminds me of a story about a woman, her daughter’s lost glitter and her gyno appointment! You have very nice legs. I’m sure assistant boy didn’t even notice the lack of tan. :)

  24. Glad to hear that it will work out. Probably not the most interesting experience but you attacked it head on with a great sense of humour, definitely needed in such situations. I wonder if the assistant has a blog where he describes his perspective:)

  25. Oh, I’ve had the pleasure of wearing those big undies, i feel your pain! Live the story. On the upside the zucchini flowers look great.

  26. OMG – that story cracked me up!! Poor thing!

    I love squash blossoms – wish we got more of them here.

  27. End on a good note – zucchini flowers look awesome haha

  28. Finding the laughter in less-than-hilarious circumstances; that’s my modus operandi too. High five, lady! You’ll kick ass at that procedure. I don’t care that one can’t technically “kick-ass” at being procedured on; I’m sticking to my statement ;)

  29. good to know I have something to look forward! YUM i love zucchini flowers. one of my most favourite meals. love love love your blog!

  30. Thanks for the good laugh – your writing is amazing and I enjoy it every time I stop by! I love zucchini flowers. Yours look lovely!

  31. LOL, hilarious and I love the way you write write write and oh, here are some zucchini flowers. You are amazing :)

  32. Too funny! I wonder if there is an ethics or interpersonal skills course as part of a medical degree LOL. Nevermind, your zucchini flowers look beautiful and I never thought about adding pine nuts when we made this recipe a few months ago. Thought I’d share the recipe for comparison:

    http://chopinandmysaucepan.com/taste-of-spring-2011-stuffed-zucchini-flowers

  33. Your story brought back memories I had been suppressing for years :) except mine weren’t as hilarious.

    In any case, I got a kick from the transition of fluffy knickers to delicious zucchini flowers!

  34. Thank you for the post – you write great and your posts are always entertaining!

    And those stuffed zucchini flowers look wonderful.

  35. Well, for such a lovely outfit, you wear it well! And, those zucchini flowers and baby zucchini look fantastic. The ricotta, basil, pine nut filling sounds great.

  36. Your posts always bring a smile to my face, due to your honesty and humour! I have yet to discover/enjoy/loathe the rigours of childbirth but, when i do, I hope to do so with a grin =D

    I had my breasts ultrasounded by a handsome young man when i was in my early 20s. Problem was I worked up the road from the radiology clinic and pass him on the street all the time!

  37. So Sexy! Love the image :)

    What a great story, I can always relate to everything you say.

    I have five little treasures! None of them were done the easy way ie: someone else carrying and birthing them! So I have lovely stretch marks (happened with the first when she went two weeks over due) I had 3 natural births and two caesareans, one an emergency with a scare from hip to hip.

    I remember when I had my first check up with the Dr during my first pregnancy, I came away from the appointment realising there was absolutely no dignity in motherhood. This has remained my belief to this day. I have been barfed on by a projectile child, pooed on by a breastfeed baby on a city bus, and had countess wet nappy leaks at the most embarrassing moments.

    My little treasures teenaged years do not look like changing this belief for me :)

    I continue the mantra “breathe, it is all character building”

  38. That is a great tale, and despite the knickers or maybe because of them you look very svelte standing there :) I think I missed the recipe, whoops I’d better go back up and read it xxx

  39. I’m glad you told us you were wearing black knickers. Won’t tell you what I thought at first glance.. LOL! :)

    Hope the procedure isn’t all too arduous – and I agree with Joanna, I think you look very svelte standing there!

  40. I’ve never heard of zucchini flowers but will try to find some because your recipe looks delicious. Luv your blog you have a great sense of humor. My 3-yr-old little treasure left me with a nice little c-section scar. She was a 9 lb 13.7 oz munchkin that was enjoying her accomidations too much! Towards the end of the pregnancy hubby dear would talk to her telling her that if she didn’t hurry up and be born he was going to start charging her rent!

  41. this reminds me of my mom’s obsession with me getting a wax and pedicure for my delivery. But I’m glad I obliged because no one ever tells you that as vain as it might be, the pictures they take while you are in labor or after will forever live on. So, I do advise woman to spoil themselves before the big event.

  42. This is too funny! I’m glad you saw the funny side to it all, sounds like a very nice chap. We need more good-looking assistants in our lives don’t you think?

    I love zucchini flowers but have never attempted them before, I think I should rectify that soon. Thanks for sharing the recipe

  43. You have very nice legs, glad you were wearing black knickers … I was a tad worried at first.

  44. These look delicious and I know exactly how you feel with those ridiculous panties…. I had to wear them when I had surgery…. :)

  45. Haha! You are utterly LOL’s! I love your sense of humor :D

    I am sure the stuffed zucchini’s made up for the unpleasing experience !

  46. always tempted to make deep-fried zucchini. Thanks for this nice-looking recipe

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